Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize