oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
