Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dignity is for republicans.
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My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
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And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize