i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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