Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
