You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just want to make out with him forever
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he just fucked me for my cheese..
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
