don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
