That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
