Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
