Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
