im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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