I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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