Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
