I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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