I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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