eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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