i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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