when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
