I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
