were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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