and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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