You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
lets start a swedish sibling band together
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
