i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
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