The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
