did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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