I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
