I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
