I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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