1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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