you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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