I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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