The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
