Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
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