she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
