It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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