is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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