My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
