i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
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