when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I skipped work to stalk him.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
