His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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