I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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