The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
