How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my sisters under your porch take her home
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
