Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
