So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
