did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
