The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
