How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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