I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
