4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
