Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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