JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
