i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I pour the whiskey from now on
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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