I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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