I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
