My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
