we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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