Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
