Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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