He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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