We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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