I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
