he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
