At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
please come you make the beer taste better
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
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I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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